I don't even know how to start this blog entry. It's a doozer!!
It is dinner group time in our ward. We had 3 other couples that we knew well, so we decided to spice things up and go out on the Willamette River for a picnic on the boat. One couple had to cancel due to illness, so my in-laws joined the group and off we went. We were right in downtown Portland, under the bridges at sunset. It was beautiful! We drove into the sunset, under 5-6 bridges, turned around and found another picturesque moment of an almost full moon over the city. It was "pinch me I'm dreaming" cool. We all were laughing and having a great time.
It was Emily's birthday and a pretty cool way to spend it I thought!! They had to jump ship early to go grab her present, kittens and aren't they fortunate.
We decided to drive up river and check out the big mansions. It was getting dark, so we had a "look out" on the bow checking for debris. All was well and we didn't see any "dangerous" spots. But given this was our first time on the river, we were cautious. As time went on, we got a little complacent, we weren't looking as closely. The boys "opened" the boat up and were doing 360s. We were all laughing and having a good time. We went back down to the waterfront and I exclaimed that I was cold and wanted to go. Ben was driving back to the boat ramp. It was 9:10pm. We HAD to be out of the water and through the gates by 10:00pm.
We went from going 40 mph to 0 mph in a matter of seconds. Ben had hit something. We looked to the right and Linda exclaimed, "we hit a sandbar". Ben replied, "that's no sandbar, that's an island". Yes, Ben had hit an island.
Josh and Ben jumped out in SWIMSUITS to see if they could pull it out. No way, the boat was seriously stuck in the deep gooey sand. We all had to get out and see if we could push it out. No way!! We flagged down one of the few remaining boats, a little fishing boat with a drunk captain. He was very nice though and tried his best to pull us free. We snapped 2 ropes, he ran out of gas (fortunately he had 2 tanks), and we were slowly making progress. It is getting closer and closer to 10:00pm. We thought we would try one more time and then we'd call the Coast Guard. Ben was forced to put a life jacket on by his father because he was at the bow, but the rest of us pushing on the swim deck WITH ALL OUR MIGHT were on land, so we didn't put jackets on. We pushed and we pushed and we pushed. At times we were up to our thighs in the thick, gooey, slimy sewage sand of the Willamette. It was crazy!!!! On our last push we could feel it moving, we all yelled to make sure you jumped on the deck if it came free. Finally it lurched forward, we were free!!! Yea!!! Everyone jumps on, but me. The deck is only 4 feet across and getting 6 adults on it was impossible. Josh, my hero, realized I wasn't on and jumped off. Ben yelled at him to get on and he yelled back that I wasn't on. The nice guy who had pulled us out just kept going and going and going. He pulled the boat out to the middle of the river.
Josh and I assuming he would just pull us out a few feet and knowing Ben couldn't come back to the shore decided to swim for it. Josh is in a swimsuit and a great swimmer. I'm fully clothed and NOT a good swimmer and VERY out of shape. We swim and swim and swim. Ben is still not coming back and still not coming back and still not coming back. We are VERY tired from pushing, we are swimming in sewar water, Josh is a germaphobe, the boat is very far away, it is pitch black, no one can see us, and the river is a river, a flowing body of water. We begin to panic a little and decide to swim for the buey, a beautiful green flashing buey. We're swimming and swimming and swimming. (I'm singing in my head the song from "Finding Nemo" Keep on swimming, swimming, swimming, keep on swimming.) I'm a bit upset at Ben for all of this and yell at the top of my lungs, "Ben, get that @#$&#$ boat over here RIGHT now". I hear him say, "they're in the water?". He thought we were still on shore. NO WE'RE NOT ON SHORE!!!! Fortunately the boat starts and he comes and gets us out. The others throw us life jackets, Josh received Molly's infant "up to 30 lbs." jacket. It was comical.
People...this is how drownings occur. PUT ON A DAMN LIFEJACKET IF YOU ARE IN OR NEAR THE WATER. We're idiots, but we're alive!!! a three hour tour . . .
11 comments:
wow-did that really happen? this is like an adam sandler movie. thanks for cracking me up this morning!
My computer is signed in under Jack's name-that was Cyd. Apparently I've been doing this all week long. Woops!
What?? I felt nervous just reading about it. Up to 30 lb life jacket... HILARIOUS.
I think Ben telling me the story was even BETTER! I am still in shock that you didn't tie him up and drag him behind the boat the rest of the way home. Haa! I would have FREAKED out swimming out there in the dark. Gives me the creeps just thinking about it.
Seriously though...it is kinda like and Adam Sandler movie.
Holy cow Stacey that scared me reading that. Thanks for the reminder!
Good times! I wish I could have been there to hear you swear at your husband! I am sorry I missed that special moment on a "church" activity.
Oh. My. Gosh. You're right, this is how drownings happen! This is kind of a crazy, scary, hilarious story! Glad all turned out okay. . .
Okay, not finding this funny at all Stacey! I was scared just reading it! And to think you were actually IN that gross river...I'm glad you are safe.
I'm still trying to decide if I'm grateful that I wasn't there or sad that I missed all the excitement. All though, considering I've heard the story about 5 different times now, I feel as if I was there. Glad you guys are safe and germ free (at least we think).
You really should charge admission for your adventures. That was hilarious! (Except when you are in the middle of it....) I think one of the reasons we got rid of the boat was because of the three-eye fish Willamette. I am a little disappointed that I never got to go to dinner at the Newport Bay boat dock, though. :)
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